


Panicked Gays's Group Chat

by austraylianfanofgaykids



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: DoPil, Implied Sexual Content, Jaehyungparkian, M/M, Swearing, bob the builder is the dad, maybe it is, no that wasnt a pun, stray kids are mentioned twice, tons of fluff, tsundere Jae
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-30
Updated: 2018-12-07
Packaged: 2019-07-20 07:31:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 12
Words: 7,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16132568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/austraylianfanofgaykids/pseuds/austraylianfanofgaykids
Summary: Jae creates a group chat for Day6 to try and get closer to Brian but accidentally sets Dowoon and Wonpil up.





	1. Jae creates Hell I mean the Group Chat

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever fan fiction, don't hate me for it. 
> 
> Young Jae --> Jae (duh)  
> Old K --> Brian/Young K (again, duh.)  
> Bob the Builder --> Sungjin  
> Snek --> Wonpil  
> im drum --> Dowoon

**Young Jae has created the group chat**

**Young Jae has named the group chat Gay6**

**Young Jae has added Old K, Bob the Builder, Snek, and im drum to the chat.**

Old K: jae wtf

Old K: It's about time.

Old K: You're 3 years late.

I'm perfectly on time, for your information.

Snek: cmon jae i was having a nice dream

im drum: whoever woke me up i hate you for life

Y'all really cranky in the middle of the night, aren't you?

Sungjin hasn't said anything about the group chat yet :P

Old K: Because he's knocked out like a log you crouton.

Oi, it's not my fault I woke up and created this chat out of boredom.

Snek: jae

Snek: go

Snek: the

Snek: fuck

Snek: back

Snek: to 

Snek: sleep

Bob the Builder: LANGUAGE WONPIL

im drum: OH FUCK SUNGJIN WOKE UP-

Can we all agree to never text each other in the middle of the night ever again?

Old K: You were the one who made this in the first place.

Bob the Builder: jae remind me to never ignore notifications 

im drum: can we talk about this in the morning? i'm tired.

Bob the Builder: Wonpil and Dowoon are getting a nice ass whooping tomorrow

Sungjin we are not child abusers in this dorm.

Besides, JYP's gonna beat YOUR ass if you do

If everyone goes to sleep right now, there'll be no need for violence.

Right Sungjin?

Brian fucking Kang I hear you typing up there.

Old K: I'm surprised you're still awake when Wonpil is knocked out already.

Bob the Builder: both of you guys go to bed

Bob the Builder: its 12:38 now

im drum: WERE WELL INTO TOMORROW SO LEZ STAY UP AND PARTAE

LEZGETIT

wait no

I'm supposed to be the mom of this group.

Drum, go back to sleepeu.

I'm tapping out.

'Night.

Old K: I swear to god that Jae is getting high off of the oxygen he breathes.

Bob the Builder: i'd say his years in the jyp dungeon has finally started to affect him

 CAN YOU GUYS NOT

WE'RE ALL GOING TO BE IN THE STUDIO TOMORROW.

GET. SOME. SLEEP.

Old K: You created this group chat in the middle of the night, it's your fault.

**Young Jae has removed Old K from the group chat**

Bob the Builder: i'm not adding him back

You better not.

I'll add him back tomorrow if I don't forget.

Good night for real this time.


	2. Brian wants Jae to act cute but doesn't get what he wanted

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The morning after the group chat is created.
> 
> Old K's POV.

**Today at 10:23 AM**

Young Jae: So are we gonna just talk on here or something?

Young Jae: Man, you guys really are ungrateful for the memelord (ཀ ʖ̯ ཀ)

**Today at 11:52 AM**

**Young Jae has added Old K to the chat**

 

**Today at 12:06**

Young Jae: Myeeeeeeeeeh.

Young Jae: Someone say something ;c

Young Jae: Fine...

Young Jae: I'LL DO AEGYO FOR THE FIRST PERSON WHO REPLIES.

I HEARD AEGYO.

oh fuk

I walked right into that, didn't I?

Young Jae: What type of aegyo do I have to do?

Cute!

Young Jae: I'm gonna hate myself for this.

Young Jae: (づ◕ω◕)づ

really jae

Young Jae: AHAHAHAAAAAA.

Young Jae: You really thought I'd do aegyo?

Young Jae: Sorry Bri, you're never going to see me, Park Jaehyung, being cute.

Well, My Days think every selfie you take is cute, sooooo

Young Jae: Shhhhhhh.

Young Jae: That's another story.

Snek: the tension is real

im drum: yes snaku, yes it is

Young Jae: *ahem*

Young Jae: I HATE SNAKEU.

Snek: :C

im drum: jae youre soft for wonpil admit it

Young Jae: I'm soft for the Younger version of Young K.

Snek: and who is dat??

Young Jae: If it's possible for me to facepalm via text, I'd do it right now.

Young Jae: Oh wait.

Young Jae: I can.

Young Jae: *facepalms*

YOU KNOW W H A T 

HECK YOU.

Young Jae: actually the definition of young k is 8 years younger than me so i cant really d8 him

Young Jae: It's a sad life honestly.

Young Jae: I have to be stuck with Old Crusty Hands.

My hands are not crusty.

Bob the Builder: contrary to poplar belief, brian never uses any hand moisturizing cream

Young Jae: Cuz the last thing we need now is some soft, moist, sticky hands from yours truly.

Stop sexualizing my hands.

Snek: you mad e me r ead that wit h my ow n t wo ey e s

Snek: and i suddenly regret learning english

How much did you learn by watching meme compilations?

Bob the Builder: dont you mean

Young Jae: SUNGJIN NO

Bob the Builder: Wonpilations?

Snek: I CAN ALREADY HEAR JAE'S OUTRAGE

im drum: well we're dead

Fuck this group chat.

Young Jae: I'm mad at you both for contributing to Sungjin's dad jokes.

IT WASN'T MY FAULY

*FAULT

Bob the Builder: hehehehehehehe

Bob the Builder: jae's going to be cussing me out in all caps

jae fight me you midget

Young Jae: I'm 6 feet tall.

im drum: and wide ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

what

how

Wuddafuk.

Young Jae: I'm scared at how Dowoon knows this.

may i check for myself

Young Jae: No.

Snek: cmon we all want to see that mighty chicken cock

Young Jae: -COCK A DOODLE DO THAT'S THE END OF THIS CONVERSATION.

Bob the Builder: what just happened 

Young Jae: Nothing.

That went from 0 to 100 down to 0 real quick.

im drum: agreed

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sexual tension between Jae and Brian, check ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)


	3. soft boi hours

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dopil fluff but then someone decides to join the conversation and third wheel

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> have some romance for making it through the first 2 chapters
> 
> The POV this time is Snek's.

**Today at 5:45 PM**

im drum: having jae rage over fried chicken was totally worth it

im drum: okay does anyone like use this in their own spare time or what

im drum: i understand now why it took 3 years for us to have a group chat

Old K: Besides the meme-ing and all that pizzazz? 

Bob the Builder: besides the time that he scared away all the crickets when we were out hunting them so that we could put them in our song

Young Jae: Can we not talk about that?

Young Jae: And mian if crickets don't like my sophisticated, harmonious voice.

Old K: THIS IS A NO ROMANIZATION ZONE. 

Young Jae: I'm not a Koreaboo if I am Korean.

Old K: Still.

sometimes i wonder how jyp managed to debut you two under the same group

and both of you havent tried to stab each other yet

dowoonie can i go over to your room?

jae and brian are death glaring at each other

i dont know how its possible i feel their glares

WHEN THEY HAVE BUNK BEDS

Young Jae: Well shit.

Bob the Builder: you are a bad influence park jaehyung

Young Jae: Yes, I am an inFLUence

Young Jae: I'm allergic to Brian and I'm sick of him.

Bob the Builder: is there anyone that you actually love this world

Old K: Mochi cheeks and himself.

Young Jae: You do know that having Japanese references piss people off for no reason, right?

Young Jae: like dude can you let go of the past for once in your fking life

Old K: End this topic before haters spam your comments.

Young Jae: This has been breaking the 4th wall with Gay6.

Bob the Builder: ???

Old K: I think Dowoon and Wonpil died.

Young Jae: Lemme go check on them and if they're going at it like rabbits I'm gonna Keep Myself Safe.

Old K: Go Keep Yourself Safe.

Young Jae: Go to hell Brian Kang.

**Today at 8:59**

im drum: jesus the rage died off

thankfully

im drum: hyuuuuung make me some ramen please

why?

im drum: me hungry (╥﹏╥)

ask eomma

im drum: pleeeeeeeeeeassssseeeeee?

i need to be paid

im drum: WAAAAAAAAAH

with cuddles

im drum: that i can do

besides me? ( ͡~ ͜ʖ ͡°)

im drum: we'll see

im drum: but you're topping

Young Jae: WHAT KIND OF DRUG DEALING LEVEL SHIT IS THIS.

Young Jae: NO ONE IS HAVING ANY SEX UNDER THIS ROOF.

Old K: Are you sure Jae?

Old K: Like, have you not remembered last week when you had a wet dream?

im drum: fuk the hyungs joined in

im internally crying at the lost opportunity 

Bob the Builder: alright alright!

Bob the Builder: dowoon and wonpil, keep it soft like you promised my days

Bob the Builder: jae, curb your sexual food fantasies

Young Jae: Can I drown myself in the bathroom toilet now-

Old K: So... You literally have wet dreams about Food X Jae?

Old K: BRB I have to warn Chris about what his fandom could create now that I've said that.

Young Jae: I'm going to yeet myself into the sun.

 

* * *

_**Bonus!** _

**jyp boizzz**

Chan I just wanted to stop by to say this.

If Felix X Food gets too intense, you can legally do the Mouth to Mouth challenge with Felix without the paper.

Baam baam: Wtf Brian.

Baam baam: Did you snort some memes or something?

Felix's Libro: Wait, that exists?

Yes, yes it does.

Felix's Libro: Isn't that how some idols accidentally kissed?

 ._.

 My faith in humanity has dwindled down to nothing.

Felix's Libro: OOOOOOOOH.

Felix's Libro: I gotcha.

Felix's Libro: I never knew Stays shipped Foodlix.

OG Koala: Literally every fandom has that one ship with someone and food.

 Unfortunately I found out because Jae had a wet dream about lobster.

Yeah, it's as terrifying as it sounds.

Baam baam: Y'KNOW, I THOUGHT WE CREATED THIS GROUP CHAT WITH A PROMISE THAT WE'D PROTECT THE INNOCENT ONE. 

Oof broken promises.

Felix's Libro: So is the concept of having wet dreams about food terrifying or the sounds that Jae made while he was having said dream?

Both.

 


	4. Sungjin abandons his children

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sungjin goes out shopping for the day but then the unattended members break out in total gayness

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sungjin's POV for like, 5 lines and then we never hear from him ever again.
> 
> also i have writer's block so i have no idea how to progress the damn story-

**Today at 3:43 PM**

guys i'm going out to buy some groceries

anyone need anything?

Old K: A life.

im drum: food

Snek: dowoon

Young Jae: Shrimp chips.

i can get jae's and dowoon's but not brian's or wonpil's

Old K: Wonpil stop fake crying on the couch.

Old K: Dowoon is literally an inch away from you.

Young Jae: I hope they aren't official yet.

Old K: I bet they're just gay friends.

Snek: nooooooo

im drum: we just love cuddling and sleeping in each others arms

Young Jae: Okay, I'm really jealous of that last part.

okay i'm out to the store

jae you're in charge

don't let the kids die, don't fuck with brian, and don't set the dorms on fire

Young Jae: Nah fam.

Young Jae: I'm not going to fuck WITH Brian.

Young Jae: I'm going to fuck him.

Old K:

Snek:

im drum:

Old K: W H A T  T H E  F U C K .

Young Jae: I SAID NOTHING YOU PABO.

IM OUT BYYYYYYYE

Old K: I'm more of a dom myself, but alright-

im drum: jae outright admitted he would fuck brian

Snek: and he said that we'd be the first ones going at it '-'

Young Jae: I'm gonna bury myself with all the blankets and pillows I can find and hope that I can suffocate under all of them.

Old K: Y'know, if you really want to be choked, you can always just flat out ask me.

Young Jae: Asphyxiate me Appa.

Old K: ...I hate my life and I regret ever suggesting you to ask me to choke you.

im drum: *slides out of the group chat and into wonpils arms*

Snek: -3-

Old K: #RelationshipGoals

Old K: Jae I swear to god if you're trying to commit suicide by pillow I'm gonna bust your head open.

Old K: MY SHEETS AND BLANKETS WERE WASHED JUST YESTERDAY AND THEY ARE NOT GOING TO BE SMOTHERED IN YOUR SMELL.

Snek: hyung just leave him be

Snek: now shut up the baby is slweeping

Old K: Did you just-

Old K: I can't believe you managed to say sleeping in a cute manner via text.

**Today at 4:12 PM**

 this is why i never leave you guys alone with jae in charge

 the hell did he even do to keep you all in check?!

Old K: Literally jackshit.

looking back at the conversation made me dead inside

Old K: He's still in his room, buried under a pile of clothes and other things.

i got him his shrimp chips

Old K: Can I have them if Jae doesn't respond within a minute?

Young Jae: Bob just come in the damn room and leave it on top of the cloth cocoon.

goddammit jae 

just get your ass out here before i toss the chips to brian

Young Jae: Delivery. Now.

okaaaaaay

Young Jae: Thank you.

 

 


	5. Jae and Brian fight for the 9,715th time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae eats the chips Sungjin bought him at night and shit hits the fan from there.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The original chapter was about 1,283 words (unfinished too btw) but my dumbass only previewed it and didn't actually save it. NOW I REWROTE THIS AND I HOPE THAT I DON'T DO IT AGAIN. Also it's drum's POV this time.

**Today at 2:10 AM**

 

Old K: Jae can you stop eating your chips at 2 in the morning? 

Young Jae: No.

omg can you guys not-

Snek: wtf happened to the promise that we'd never text each other in the middle of the night?

Young Jae: Pil, that was a week ago.

Young Jae: I never keep promises unless I explicitly state so.

Old K: He only said to agree to never text each other in the middle of the night and we never agreed lmao.

Young Jae: Y'ALL BETTER DRINK THIS TEA BECAUSE IT'S THE ONLY TIME I'M GOING TO AGREE WITH BRIAN.

whatever i'm going to sleep 

Old K: Jae, please.

Old K: I don't want to hear your crunching in this dead silent room.

Young Jae: Dream about me eating chips.

y'know what fuck this im going over to wonpil's dorm room

Young Jae: Yay we have the room for ourselves

Young Jae: You know what this means right? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)

Old K: I'm going to fucking pepper spray your ass, don't even try.

Young Jae: It's illegal to use here, you're not in Canada anymore BITCH.

Young Jae: So deal with my crumbs or get sued.

Old K: I'm going to go insane.

i'm gonna dick my mans down

you two keep fighting

Snek: nooooo :c

**Today at 8:12 AM**

Bob the Builder: EVERYONE WAKE UP

Bob the Builder: ITS TIME TO GO TO THE STUDIO

 why would you text the group chat instead of waking us up manually with your voice

Bob the Builder: because jae is sleeping in like the lazy bastard he is

Snek: lets let brian wake him up

Snek: make him suffer >:D

Bob the Builder: alright brian you're in charge of waking jae up once you see this

 we're off to the studio bye

Bob the Builder: dowoon get your ass over to the bathroom, you and wonpil are not going down there looking like bedheads

Old K: Are you SHITTING me?!

Old K: I'd rather jump off a cliff than wake Jae up!

Old K: ￢ ╭╮￢

Old K: I'll do it this time out of the kindness of my nonexistent heart.

Old K: If you hear some ungodly screaming, it's from Jae and totally not my alarm clock.

* * *

 

Young Jae: BRIAN KANG WHAT THE FUCK.

Young Jae: WHY WOULD YOU MAKE JEONGIN SCREAM IN ORDER TO WAKE ME UP.

Old K: Chan sent me the video of Jeongin screaming, blame him.

 okay jae

 can you lay off brian's ass for once in your fucking life and act your age?

also brian, find another way to wake jae up next time

Old K: When the maknae is more mature than the hyung-  

Young Jae: Shut up.

Bob the Builder: get your asses down here we need brian's vocals

Young Jae: 1. Who the fuck doesn't? 

Young Jae: 2. I NEED MORE FUCKING LINES GODDAMMIT.

bitch i have none


	6. Everyone creates a Swear Jar for Jae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sungjin's POV, also it's 7 USD in the jar by the time the chapter is over.

**Today at 1:24 PM**

Old K: Okay guys, I have a plan on how to chill Jae down.

Snek: what??

im drum: m u r d e r  h i m .

jesus christ dowoon chill

Old K: No, although I wish I could.

Old K: We create a swear jar so that every time he swears, we add 1,000 won to the jar.

Snek: GENIUS

that could work

Young Jae: You're really going to think that's going to work?

Old K: Test me, Park Jaehyung.

Young Jae: Oh shit you're fucking serious then.

and that is 2,000 won into the jar

Young Jae: Fuck.

Young Jae: DAMMIT.

Snek: all ur funds are going into mine and dowoon's first date

im drum: i say we go eat lobster on our first date 

we'll all spilt the money 25/25/25/25

Old K: Unleash your potty mouth Jae.

Young Jae: Why?!

Old K: I could use a dinner in one of Seoul's most expensive restaurant.

Young Jae: Oh fuck you.

im drum: yas if jae swears everyday at least 4 times per day...

im drum: then in a month we'll be ballin'

Old K: We're including him swearing in real life as well, right?

Snek: we should

it's official jae can't swear at all anymore without contributing to our expenses

Young Jae: You better get ready to catch these hands Brian Kang.

im drum: you have to get through me first hoe

Young Jae: If you weren't my A++ student in English, I would've skinned you alive by now.

Snek: at least he can drink milk tea and smell flowers

Young Jae:

im drum:

Old K:

Old K: BOI YOUR ASS JUST GOT FLAMED BY A SNAKE!

Old K: A  _ **SNAKE.**_

Young Jae: There is no justice in this world.

 **im drum has removed Young Jae from the chat**  

im drum: okay so we place legos around on random parts of the dorm and when jae steps on them he'll curse and we can add more money to the jar 

Snek: GENIUS

Old K: Is that why you removed him? 

im drum: yeah

jae is going to kill us if he finds out lmao

Old K: Who cares? We could always feed him chocolate as a bribe.

Snek: knowing his behavior from chapter 4 he's going to want to lick it off someone's body

WHAT IS WITH THIS FOURTH WALL BREAKING

Old K: So is anyone counting how much Jae is cursing at one of us to add him back?

Old K: Because I counted 3 bad words.

wow already 7,000 won

im drum: let's take this one step further and count his insults against him

Snek: OMG YES

WE SHOULD

Old K: Jae Reformation!

Old K: It shall be marked on this day of August forever.

**Old K has added YoungJae to the chat**

YoungJae: Wrong Jae Bri.

Old K: Wait wtf 

YoungJae: I'M YOUNGJAE.

of course you are

Snek: i'm confusion

YoungJae: I'M THE ONE FROM GOT7.

Old K: OH FUK SORRY-

**Old K has removed YoungJae from the chat**

**Old K has added Young Jae to the chat**

Young Jae: Took you long enough.

Old K: Sorry, got the wrong Youngjae.

im drum: such a shame

im drum: i liked that youngjae more than this one

dowoon >:c

im drum: what? 

Young Jae: Dowoon has grown so much that he learned how to roast me.

Snek: uh excuse me i incinerated your pride into ashes are you sure it's just dowoon


	7. some jaehyungparkian romanceu

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jae and Brian finally have some romantic moments and Wonpil and Dowoon are going out on a date but Sungjin quietly stalks them in a potted plant 5 feet away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> SORRY ABOUT THE FORMATTING, I JUST POSTED IT AS A PROTOTYPE.  
> If you didn't see all the jacked up text, you're so late. It's also Jae's POV.

**Today at 3:10 PM**

Do you know how depressed I've gotten over the past 2 days?

I haven't cursed at all and it HURTS.

Old K: Jae stop being overdramatic.

Snek: plus it's only 8,000 won in the jar anyways

I SAID FUCK YESTERDAY BECAUSE I STUBBED MY TOE AGAINST THE WALL.

Bob the Builder: make that 9,000 wonpil

Old K: We only need 26,000 more won.

For what?

Old K: Expenses.

im drum: brian i need new DRUMS

Snek: i'll buy it for you for christmas C:

Bob the Builder: i need a new family this one isn't cutting it-

I need...

Y'ALL TO LIFT THIS FUCKING SWEAR JAR.

Old K: ~~I need you to become mine~~  I need to eat my lobster so keep contributing Jae.

you finna catch these hands if you think i'm going to do that

So don't even make me.

Old K: Okay now listen up you hoe

im drum: help me jae's being tickled by brian and i heard at least 2 more fucks come from him.

Snek: IM COMING WOONIE

Bob the Builder: is no one going to talk about bri's confession or what

Man, I haven't laughed like that since I was 20!

Old K: You're welcome.

Bob the Builder: i judge that everything is gucci now in the jaehyungparkian third wheeler dowoon dorm room?

Snek: shhh brian just fell asleep on top of jae and i think jae might be falling asleep as well

im drum: we must snek out

Bob the Builder:

Snek:

im drum: just do it wonpil

Snek: ok

Bob the Builder: dowoon, wonpil

Bob the Builder: i think its time for your date

im drum: y e s

Snek: walk in the park i repeat walk in the park

Bob the Builder: you two go on ahead i swear im not going to stalk you guys

**Today at 4:51**

Old K: WHY DID NO ONE TELL ME I FELL ASLEEP ON TOP OF JAE

Old K: Anyone?!

Old K: Jae if you see this when you wake up I'm out to buy some ramen for both of us.

**Young Jae has created the group chat**

**Young Jae has added KV Woo, Dead Scalp, and Park Shemin to the chat**

Thank you for attending my Ted Talk.

Dead Scalp: Istg KANGaroo's name for me is better than Dead Scalp.

To be honest, dead scalp fits you perfectly.

Park Shemin: But OG Koala should've went to Felix instead of Namjoon.

KV Woo: Jim, how do you know this if you're not in the group chat?

Park Shemin: Brian tells me.

guise

KV Woo: Are you sad that you still have a swear jar on your ass?

Dead Scalp: If it's over 500,000 won already, I'm using that to buy Felix some Fortnite skins for his birthday.

BUT WHAT ABOUT MY GIFT ASSWIPE?!

Park Shemin: >:OOOOOOOO

KV Woo: ಠ ʖ̯ಠ

Dead Scalp: Our friendship is over.

Dead Scalp: I saw Brian in nothing but his boxers when I was still his roommate.

Did he get hard thinking about me

Dead Scalp:

KV Woo:

Park Shemin:

Dead Scalp: ...No

Oh yeah I almost forgot the reason why I created this group chat.

Brian took a nap on top of me and then just got up and left me.

I gotta admit, I sorta liked it...

I didn't even push him away like I normally would've.

KV Woo: GET THAT YOUNG (DIC)K.

Park Shemin: Jae is finally not straight

Shut up.

Dead Scalp: Trust me, Jae.

Dead Scalp: My burnt curly fry headass is still straighter than you.

Guys, do you seriously promise not to tell Brian?

I already know he won't like me back because of how much a dick I've been, so I might as well save myself the heartbreak.

Park Shemin: Fine, but mark my words, Jaehyungparkian will come true by the time your birthday rolls around.

Dead Scalp: Shippers unite.

**Dead Scalp has named the group chat JAEHYUNGPARKIAN SHIPPERS UNITE!**

KV Woo: You cannot want Jaehyungparkian to come true and not get with Felix either.

OH YEAAAAAAH.

Park Shemin: I bet Felix and Chan won't get together by the time Stray Kids has another comeback.

Dead Scalp: If we do, you're paying for the date.

Who's paying for my date with Brian?

KV Woo: Take a walk.

That sounds like a good idea, but Snake and Drum are out on a date in the park right now.

Dead Scalp: _Make Brian explore your Park and all of its nooks and crannies._

KV Woo:

Park Shemin:

KV Woo: CHRISTOPHER BANG YOU TAKE A WALK RIGHT NOW.

Dead Scalp: THAT'S WHY I SUGGESTED JAE TAKES A WALK ON HIS FIRST DATE WITH BRIAN.

I sometimes wonder if you stay up at night and just think about sexual innuendos to use.

KV Woo: Or you could go for a car ride.

Park Shemin: Buy Brian a car and name it Jaehyung.

Park Shemin: So that Brian can park Jaehyung and ride you.

I hate you all so much.

I WANTED TO GO ON A FIRST DATE AND Y'ALL TALKING ABOUT SEX ALREADY.

Dead Scalp: That's for telling Jeongin how babies are made bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had so much difficulty posting this chapter '_' Thanks AO3.  
> Also did you know it's common to tell dirty minded people to take a walk in Korea? Yeah, Jae and I need to go on a damn hike.


	8. In Which Brian starts to be soft w/ Jae

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for leaving everyone hanging. I'm just really blocked on how to progress the damn story.  
> It's Drum's POV too

jae you wont believe what happened

Young Jae: What?

wonpil kissed me

Young Jae:

Young Jae: BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOI.

Young Jae: I'VE BEEN MAKING OUT WITH MY CUSHION FOR THE LAST HALF HOUR.

Old K: Wait what the fuck

Young Jae: Yeah make it back quick with that ramen.

Young Jae: I can taste 3 years worth of dust and farts.

Old K: Then stop making out with the cushions!

Young Jae: ~~well actually it's your pillow but okay~~

 why you would do that in the first place

Bob the Builder: maybe it has something to do with jae being single for 25 years

Young Jae: I got bored while waiting for Brian to come back with the ramen he promised me.

Young Jae: I'm just lonely af

Snek: well it sucks being single

not that me or wonpil would know what thats like

Old K: It sorta does suck being single until you have food.

Young Jae: 1000000/10 totally agree

jae you inhaled 7 bowls of ramen last week how are you not PHAT

Young Jae: I could gain 3 pounds tomorrow and I'd still be happy.

Old K: Fat bellies are the best for booping and poking.

Old K: I'm just saying.

Young Jae: Come back with that ramen within 5 minutes and you can happily boop my stomach once I eat all of it.

Old K: No guarantee but I'll do it just because it's cute as fuck.

Bob the Builder: brian just poke your own stomach

Snek: btw...

Snek: sungjin can we stop by the ice cream shop on the way back?

Bob the Builder: wait you see me behind the tree?

YOUVE BEEN STALKING US THROUGHOUT THE WHOLE DATE

 OF COURSE WE SEE YOU

Old K: I'm not announcing my first date if Sungjin is going to stalk me.

Young Jae: You're over here worrying about Sungjin when you should be worrying about Chan, that guy's been popping out everywhere in the food court.

wait wdym

Young Jae: I was sipping my coffee while thinking of lyrics in there and Chan just rose out behind the long column of plants.

Young Jae: Then just did an eyebrow wiggle at me before sinking down into the deep abyss.

Snek: ...did you at least eyebrow wiggle back

Old K: I swear, Jae has an entire fucking code based on the wiggling of eyebrows.

that was definitely on purpose

Young Jae: Yeah, it is.

Old K: WAIT WHAT

Young Jae: Not entirely though.

Young Jae: It only came into existence because you always questioned me about why I wiggled my eyebrows whenever you were shirtless back when we just debuted.

Old K:

Snek:

Bob the Builder:

Bob the Builder: where have i gone wrong in raising my children

Old K: I dunno man.

Old K: Wonpil and Dowoon are the only normal couple as of now.

Snek: i'd say we do normal couple things

Young Jae: It's completely normal to do each other on the first date.

okay wonpil we are going to that motel right there right now

Snek: NO

Bob the Builder: no one is losing their virginities under THIS GODDAMN ROOF

technically we arent under the dorms roof

Snek: sex is still banned until we get married

Old K: By the way, that rule won't apply to me Sungjin.

Young Jae: Sex is band.

Snek:

Bob the Builder:

Old K:

Old K: Tell me again why I'm putting the lobster chips back.

Young Jae: NO PUT THEM BACK PLEASE.

Snek: leave them

Young Jae: Please a chicken needs to be fed

Old K: Fine.

Old K: I'll still leave them.

Young Jae: CAN YOU HEAR MY TEARS 

Old K: Jesus...

Old K: I'm just getting them because I want to caress your stomach.

Young Jae: That sounds like some basis for good mpreg

Snek: i'm scared

Old K: HEY I CAN HELP WITH MAKING THE BABY-

Bob the Builder: n o .

and this is why me and wonpil with third wheeler sungjin are going out to get ice cream and leave you two to your date

Young Jae: It is NOT a date.

admit it jae

Snek: yeah, you guys are going to be all alone

Snek: with each other

Snek: probably for the rest of the night

Young Jae: Say what you want, it's just us hanging out.

two men chilling on our couch eating food together is the perfect example of a date

Young Jae: If you looked at a calendar, that's the perfect example of a date.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If this sucked I'm sorry. I'm trying to see if I can squeeze a Halloween fan fiction in on time for Halloween.


	9. nothing important happened

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> idk what this is i'm running out of ideas for how to progress ¯\\_(ಠ ͟ʖಠ)_/¯

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Jae's POV, but I swear it'll get better in future chapters. This is just a fill-in chapter.

**Today at 10:53 AM**

 

Snek: so how was ur date last night?

Wonpil for the love of god it wasn't a date.

im drum: there were two dates last night don't even deny it

Bob the Builder: guys keep pressing him

Bob the Builder: the swear jar is still in effect

No.

Old K: Last night was pretty chill tbh.

Old K: Me and Jae just ate spicy ramen while watching dramas.

Yeah unfortunately I couldn't enjoy the deliciousness that is cheesy spicy ramen.

Old K: But you did enjoy the cheesiness of the drama.

Oh yeah, the amount of romance was sickening.

Old K: It felt a bit nostalgic in a way.

im drum:  ** _GEE I WONDER WHY._**

Snek: dowoon i love you and all but why did you have to cut the romance short

Bob the Builder: yeah jaehyungparkian was sailing

Not under this household.

Old K: It's surprising that Jae hasn't sworn in a while.

Snek: maybe it's because you're rubbing off on jae

SHUT UP

Snek: hue hue hue

I am this close to whacking you with a bundle of spring onions

im drum: no my wonpil >:c

im drum: get ur own wonpil to whack

Alright, BRIAN GET YOUR ASS OVER HERE

Old K: Well there goes the one day streak of no cursing.

Brian please I'm feeling lonely in my bed.

Snek: are you by any chance naked or extremely hard atm

I'm done bye

Old K: Wow scare Jae away like that, mkay 1/10 would not invite to my wedding.

Bob the Builder: thats if you dont have sex the day before the wedding

Old K: True.

im drum: so how is jae

Old K: I'm checking up on him rn.

Bob the Builder: dont die brian

Bob the Builder: wait no dont leave me with the couple

im drum: sorry sungjin we are going to cuddle and make out right in front of your salad

Bob the Builder: what salad?

Snek: alright dowoon attack my lips like you mean it

Bob the Builder: NOOOOOOOOOO

Old K: So Jae just smushed a pillow over my face.

I just wanted the satisfaction of hurting someone.

Old K: SO IF YOU WANNA HURT ME

 BABY JUST HURT ME 

Old K: Jae that was such a bad idea.

Why?

Old K: You're going to see in a second.

**Today at 10:55 AM**

Brian you didn't tell me Dowoon would come into our room with a goddamn drumstick and stab me with it.

im drum: you wanted to be hurt so there you go

 By Brian.

Snek: in bed

Bob the Builder: okay what did dowoon do to you that you're obsessed with sex

You should know.

You stalked them yesterday.

Bob the Builder: i did not

*doubting intensifies*

 


	10. Jaehyungparkian love :3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian finds his soulmate in the most memeiest way possible

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm bad at updating because I'm stressed with school and I'm out of creativity for this story :P

  **Today at 11:59 AM**

So I'm planning to ask Jae out while he's not here.

Young Jae: Okay why would you say that out loud while I'm still in the group chat

Oh fuck.

im drum: brian got exposedddddd

Snek: this is why you're alone

Since My Days gave me a ton of ways to ask someone out lemme just try it real quick.

*ahem*

SO I'M SITTING THERE

Young Jae: BARBECUE SAUCE ON MY TIDDIES

And I found myself my man.

Bob the Builder: it only took you one date to finally ask jae out but ok

Young Jae: It wasn't a date.

Soooooooo

What are we going to do for our technically second date besides each other? .3.

Young Jae: Movie

Horror?

Young Jae: I'd say no to that, but given the circumstances, alright.

Bob the Builder: alright children let's go stalk the lovebirds

 NO.

Snek: sungjin we are staying home and you are making me and dowoon food

im drum: so down for that tbh

Young Jae: YEET

Young Jae: Sooooooooooooo what time are we going?

Meh, tonight I guess.

Young Jae: Insidious?

Hell yeah.

Bob the Builder: o fuk dat

Bob the Builder: wonpil what you wanna eat for dinner

Snek: dowoon

The only difference between Jae wanting to eat my ass and you wanting to eat Dowoon's is that I'd happily let Jae do it.

im drum: yeah wonpil don't make me dump you after the first date

Snek: dont you dare

Bob the Builder: this is why all alone exists

Young Jae: Because you need somebody but they ain't there in front of you?

Bob the Builder: ye

 I call that a RIP IN THE CHAT!

Young Jae: Really Brian?

Young Jae: This group chat was the reason Dowoon and Wonpil got together.

Bob the Builder: worst couple of 2018 btw

Snek: >:OOOOOOOOOO

im drum: take that back you half shaven teddy bear

Bob the Builder: now listen here you lil shits

Young Jae: Well that just happened.

Yep.

Young Jae: Mind telling me why it took 3 years for us to become official?

You were a dick for the past 8 chapters, of course I took 3 years.

Young Jae: IT'S ONLY BEEN 2 MONTHS SINCE I MADE THIS GROUP CHAT.

Jae, listen.

If you still have wet dreams about fettuccine alfredo and whatever other foods that you want to splurge on, I'm gonna make them come true.

Just...

Swear and let out the vented anger.

Young Jae: This better be really good, otherwise I'm breaking your guitar.

I could've broken your heart, now shut up and curse.

Young Jae: Fine.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final chapters might be released during Thanksgiving once I'm on break, thanks for being patient with my slow updates <3


	11. Secrets are Spilled

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Umm, there's lots of sex talk in this chapter, but nothing explicit so don't report me. Sungjin's POV this time around.

**Today at 6:18 PM**  

have i been a bad parent wonpil?

Snek: perhaps

Young Jae: Si.

Old K: Indefinitely.

wow thanks brian

Old K: You asked, I answered.

im drum: sungjin you werent that bad

im drum: just slightly worse than my parents

only asked because we have a sex drive of a couple making out in the hallways 8 times a day

and the dysfunctional relationship between a chicken and his canadian twinkie that involves lots of chasing around the dorms and cuddling

Old K: Me and Jae aren't even a thing yet.

Young Jae: Why do you think that, Younghyun Kang?

Old K: Oh stuff it.

Young Jae: Fine, say what you like.

Young Jae: But I'm still mad at you for giving the condoms to Wonpil.

WHAT

im drum: wHY

Old K: And this is why I'm thinking about running off with your swear jar money.

Young Jae: Don't you dare.

Young Jae: There's like, 80,000 won in there from yesterday.

jae we've never discussed that most of it was dirty talk to brian

Young Jae: Exactly!

Young Jae: Maybe if I go far enough, my ass can finally get some action.

Old K: That'd be an accomplishment in itself, considering you're still a virgin at TWENTY FIVE.

Snek: can't say the same for me and woon

Old K:

im drum:

Young Jae:

...you have explaining to do

Old K: Damn. Everyone's just exposing each other.

Young Jae: Well no shit, we all have one last chapter together before it's bye bye.

Old K: I DEMAND A SEQUEL.

im drum: bitch same

Snek: sungjin i can explain-

no, no you can't

Young Jae: Tbh though, you and Brian snore so loud, I'm not even surprised that Dowoon and Wonpil got away with the Fuckening.

Old K: bitch im gonna make you loud

you are NOT giving jae a handjob in the theater

Snek: that sounds like such a bad idea it seems good

Young Jae: I can already see the headlines tomorrow...

Old K: Jae, just be patient.

Young Jae: I CAN'T BE PATIENT WHEN MY ASSHOLE WANTS TO INHALE YOUR DICK.

sometimes i'm glad my sex drive hasn't kicked in yet

im drum: i wonder if it has anything to do with your bald head

Snek: i feel bad that his future spouse won't have a head full of hair to ruffle

Old K: Sungjin is becoming senile.

Old K: Maybe he lost his hair because Jaehyungparkian and Dopil became a reality and he couldn't handle the shockness.

im drum: perhaps

Young Jae: That reminds me...

Young Jae: The movie?

Old K: Oh yeah, I got my outfit ready to go.

Young Jae: Wear nothing.

Old K: What the fuck?

Young Jae: You, Brian, could wear nothing but a trash bag and still make it look gorgeous.

Young Jae: What do you think that's gonna do to someone like me, who looks like absolute shit in a tuxedo?

finally kill you so that you won't upload videos on jaesix or tweet anything anymore

Snek: pls make that happen brian

Old K: What's the point of living if I don't have Jae?

im drum: idk man, but im sure it has nothing to do with that one time last year when you ate the dairy free triple brownie chocolate ice cream jae was planning to eat

Old K: If there's enough money by the end of our date and Jae hasn't ate all the popcorn, I'm gonna take him out to dinner.

Young Jae: Screw the movie, I'm taking the dinner date.

Old K: No, I want to see you clench my arm in fear.

Snek: hey dowoon take notes

both y'all had sex under my nose why would you downgrade

im drum: because i dont want to get skinned alive for buying handcuffs and vibrators

Old K: Please do that.

Old K: No one ever said Jae didn't want used sex toys to be used on him.

Young Jae: I'm more of a bondage guy.

Old K: How would you know that?

Young Jae: Oi, this is coming from the dude who wants to see me bury my face into his chest out of fear are you sure about that question

Old K: tru

i regret that we have 5 members instead of 6 now 

 maybe junhyeok would've been a great parent with me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still debating a sequel to this, so if you'd like one, comment below pls


	12. Ze finale

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jaehyungparkian date I guess, but SungPilWoon won't leave them tf alone during the movie.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow i got sad writing this rip.  
> Also it's Jae's POV.

**Today at 5:00 PM**

 

Old K: Oi Jae, you ready to go?

Sorta.

im drum: awwwww the lovebirds are finally a thing

Bob the Builder: istg if both of you are coming home tomorrow morning i'm cutting out jae's lines for shoot me

Old K: Don't worry Sungjin.

Yeah, bold of you to assume I had that many lines in Shoot Me in the first place.

Bob the Builder: touche

Snek: sungjin quick this is our chance

Bob the Builder: wonpil no

Old K: ...Seems suspicious.

Yeah, might as well hurry over to the theater.

Old K: Bring tons of money.

You have my swear jar money

im drum: we should've made a sexual innuendo jar for everyone in this chat

Bob the Builder: one day child, one day

Snek: not soon enough

Old K: Oh don't worry about the swear jar money, we're going out for something else after the movie.

It better be good.

Old K: It will, I swear.

Bob the Builder: time to jump into your potted plants children

Sungjin please I want to have a normal date with Brian

Snek: nah we want to see the romance

Old K: No 3rd, 4th, or 5th wheels otherwise I'm bashing your head in with my guitar.

Protect me baby~

im drum: ew

Don't ew me Dowoon, you made out with Wonpil 3 times today.

Snek: even jae calls brian pet names and what do i get

Snek: thats right not even one honey from you

Now if you'll excuse me, I have a date to go on.

* * *

 

**Today at 6:12 PM**

Bob the Builder: lets spam messages

im drum: why

Bob the Builder: jae most likely didnt silence his phone

im drum: oh my god ur a genius

Snek: dick move but okay

Bob the Builder: of course im a genius i raised you 

Snek: do you think brian silenced his phone

im drum: nah probably turned it off or something

Bob the Builder: imagine the movie just got suspenseful and his notifications just killed the mood

Snek: i hope that happened

im drum: should we go watch some missus annie mae while we wait for them to come out

Bob the Builder: they've been out of the closet for a while, but sure

Snek: he meant come out of the theater

* * *

**Today at 7:27 PM**

Old K: Holy shit, how many messages did you guys send?

Thirteen.

Old K; Thank god for the previews reminding us to turn off our phones.

I think I shat my pants 5 times during the movie.

Old K: It was that scary?

I KNEW IT WOULD BE SCARY YET I STILL GOT SCARED.

Old K: Horror in a nutshell.

I think the others are still watching anime.

Old K: You think?

Hopefully dead.

Old K: Have them die early so that you can be happy at their funeral?

You know what you just put a mood into words.

Old K: I did?

Another mood is being hungry after sitting in a sweaty theater.

Hurry back from the bathroom, it's lonely without you.

Old K: And you said you were a hopeless romantic.

Did not.

Old K: Did too.

Hopeless romantic for anyone other than you.

Old K: Awww, you're so sweet.

Shut up.

Old K: I'm heading back right now, want anything?

Besides you, pocky.

Old K: Interesting choice of snack.

Yeah can't really take a chomp at your man tiddies even though I'd love to.

Old K: Okay I'm highly rethinking my life choices.

Old K: But save some room for dinner.

Old K: I'm taking you out.

With a gun?

Old K: Yep.

Old K: Wait no.

On a date?

Old K: Basically yeah.

I love you.

So. Fucking. Much.

Old K: You only said that because I agreed to rip a hole in my wallet for you.

You wanna go right now?

Old K: Sure Jae.

* * *

**Today at 7:32 PM**

 

Bob the Builder: wow the lovebirds

Snek: yeah i wish i can be #couplegoals like they can be

im drum: ill spoil you on our next date

Snek: and where will that be my drum

**Snek has changed im drum's nickname to My Drum <3**

**My Drum <3 has changed Snek's nickname to Sunshine**

Sunshine: :D

Bob the Builder: might as well do it for the new couple for revenge

Old K: WAIT WAIT WAIT

Old K: NO.

Old K: Sungjin get your single ass back into your lane and let me and Jae choose our new couple names.

 

But I like our original nicknames :c

Old K: I mean, we could keep it the same if you want.

I'd like that.

A lot. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for sticking with me until the end of this series! I had a lot of fun writing it (even more fun editing it .3.) and I look forward to more Jaehyungparkian fics in the future.


End file.
